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Опубликовано сб, 08/12/2012 - 22:32 пользователем admin
А в это время мой отец Мечислав Денисович такое говорил, что расстрельная команда по нему плакала... Он кричал, что мать всех обманула, чтобы притащить в эту гнусную страну.
— Какой социализм? Тут хуже, чем в Африке. Ты что, не видишь, все эти белые негры умеют только валяться в грязи пьяными, а, выбравшись на время из ямы, доносить друг на друга. Хотя русские всегда были такими! Великая Речь Посполита могла в прошлом приобщить их к цивилизации — и тем самым сделать весь славянский мир прекрасным. Да и вообще…
Он ужасно тосковал. Где его автомобиль, коньяк, лошадь, теннисный корт, отпуск на вилле у моря, да, где нормальная жизнь? С него хватит! Затем последовал ультиматум: либо все едут с ним обратно в Париж, либо он уедет один. Мать отказалась ехать.
Он развелся. Уехал в Польшу к родным, только туда пустили, а оттуда довольно быстро выбрался обратно во Францию. Повезло ему, а на деле и всем нам, что они приехали строить коммунизм после ХХ съезда, крупно повезло; однако тогда дела нашего двора были мне понятнее и приятнее, поэтому важнее всего остального. Дома мне приходилось читать на двух языках гораздо больше, чем хотелось, ведь драться и воровать яблоки куда интереснее. Но мать платила и платила. Знания накапливались, но знания французские и знания советские не встречались во мне, первые жили только дома, вторые — во дворе и в школе.
Поначалу в школе мне приходилось часто драться в ответ на обвинения «буржуй, капиталист», но драки я полюбил еще в Париже, хотя не понимал толком почему: разве приятно постоянно ходить с распухшими губами и разбитым носом. О существовании адреналина я не знал, конечно, но именно в резком повышении его секреции нуждался, как позже выяснилось. Когда я вырос из французской одежды, а буржуазную прическу мать уничтожила, обвинения прекратились. Тем более они позабылись, когда на моих обвинителей в ответ сыпался мой мат. Через шесть или семь месяцев после приезда в СССР я стал говорить на языке Тютчева, но понимал меня только мой первый друг Генка Алексашин: только он мог переводить мой русский на русский. Но через года полтора французский акцент стал постепенно исчезать.
Все бы ладно, но мать, когда я подрос, стала платить также за поэзию и прозу, затем за историю и философию. От русской живописи и скульптуры я был освобожден, почему, сразу не понял. Не могла же мать прямо объявить мне, что во всех странах, выросших на православной культуре, хорошей живописи и скульптуры быть не может в принципе, ибо иконопись, став сакральной, застыла и заморозила все вокруг.
Позже мне в ответ тыкали Эль Греко, а я отсылал умников к его биографии, это, как мне глупо казалось, должно было убедить каждого. Помню, как я, «почитав» слегка в Третьяковке полотно «Иван Грозный убивает своего сына», обернулся к матери и высокомерно вымолвил, мол, что это за гадость: гротескная композиция, фактура мазка ни к черту, размазанные по холсту краски неизвестного цвета — и все застывшее, нет глубины, малейшего движения. Почему этого Репина так хвалят? Они что, Веласкеса не читали? В ответ мать, хотя я говорил по-французски, замахала на меня руками и сказала:
— Молчи. Обычные люди на полотно смотрят, его не читают. Кроме того, не принято в гостях критиковать посуду хозяев.
Возможно, хотя я в этом не уверен, это был мой первый антисоветский поступок. Позже старший брат мне предложил прочесть Карла Августа Виттфогеля, том был огромным, но за правильные ответы он обещал целый четвертак. К тому времени я уже стал мужчиной, курил и пил, поэтому деваться мне было некуда: пришлось надеть хомут. «Восточный Деспотизм» оказался западней. Мне кажется, что понять Виттфогеля и не стать антикоммунистом, невозможно даже для круглого дурака. Ко всему прочему с возрастом во мне сломались некие перегородки и схлестнулись уже не две, а три культуры: французская, русская и советская, и такое началось...
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